I'm always the last one to find out about things, so this may be nothing new to you, but apparently men suck. Yeah, it's true. And the news gets worse. It turns out that not only do we (men) suck, but we are also stupid, selfish, worthless, and lazy. Unfortunately, the only thing that keeps us around is; we're necessary. For now, anyway.
If you're wondering "How could this happen?", "How did we get here?". You've come to the wrong place (I'm a guy, remember? This requires complex thought that I am obviously incapable of.).
All kidding aside, commercials, television shows, and movies (or media in general) seem to have not helped the crumbling image of the American male. I've heard the same commercial for a local hospital several times on the drive home from work, and it kind of became the catalyst for this entry. The following is a transcript of the commercial:
“ Hi Mary!”
“Oh, hey stranger. I figured you’d given up exercise for the New Year. Where ya been?”
“Playing nurse maid. Mark had surgery on his rotator cuff.”
“Aw, did the arm chair quarterback injure his shoulder?”
“I swear. You’d think he’d broken both of his legs the way he’s acting. But since his heart trouble last year even routine stuff requires extra care. So we chose the new Seton Medical Center Williamson. I think they spoiled him.”
“I heard that’s a great hospital.”
“It is! They treat you like you’re the only patient in the world. It was like having our own private team of doctors and nurses.”
“Wow.”
“I know. The rooms are really quiet. They have interactive TV. And you can order food anytime through room service. If they’d had a recliner, I might not ever have gotten Mark home.”
“Aw, you say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Both laugh.
End commercial.
And this is only one example. I can recall another commercial for Time Warner Cable that opens with a man and woman in a kitchen together preparing for a large dinner party. The woman is talking on the phone, and she asks the man to perform some sort of cooking task at the stove. Within seconds a pot is shooting fire into the air and the man is standing there dumbstruck without a clue what to do. The woman deftly puts out the fire, calls directory assistance, orders food to deliver, and smirks as she saves the day. No thanks to the dumb guy.
I can take a joke. That's no problem. But lately it seems like the joke has become the de facto truth. The proliferation of thought that men are stupid, inept creatures is really quite depressing. Remember Mr. Brady (from The Brady Bunch)? Danny Tanner (from Full House)? Bill Cosby? Han Solo? What happened to the idea that men are level headed, cool thinking individuals who can be depended upon to handle difficult situations when they arise? Admitedly, somewhere along the way, men have gotten a bad wrap because of our own mistakes. Men are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. There are those of us that are dead-beats. There are those of us that are cruel and selfish. And yes, there are men who are quite stupid and lazy. But despite those...less than favorable marks against us as a sex, there are still quite a few of us who are trying to measure up to the standards that our fathers and grandfathers set for us.
This fight is being fought on many fronts. Not only are we being told (by the media) that we are lazy, selfish, stupid, and worthless, but we are also being told that we cannot be trusted to pick clothing out for ourselves. What about "guyliner"? Metrosexual clothing and men's make up?Their seems to be a grand movement in this country to cut the figurative balls off of the heterosexual male ego.
If you're wondering "How could this happen?", "How did we get here?". You've come to the wrong place (I'm a guy, remember? This requires complex thought that I am obviously incapable of.).
All kidding aside, commercials, television shows, and movies (or media in general) seem to have not helped the crumbling image of the American male. I've heard the same commercial for a local hospital several times on the drive home from work, and it kind of became the catalyst for this entry. The following is a transcript of the commercial:
“ Hi Mary!”
“Oh, hey stranger. I figured you’d given up exercise for the New Year. Where ya been?”
“Playing nurse maid. Mark had surgery on his rotator cuff.”
“Aw, did the arm chair quarterback injure his shoulder?”
“I swear. You’d think he’d broken both of his legs the way he’s acting. But since his heart trouble last year even routine stuff requires extra care. So we chose the new Seton Medical Center Williamson. I think they spoiled him.”
“I heard that’s a great hospital.”
“It is! They treat you like you’re the only patient in the world. It was like having our own private team of doctors and nurses.”
“Wow.”
“I know. The rooms are really quiet. They have interactive TV. And you can order food anytime through room service. If they’d had a recliner, I might not ever have gotten Mark home.”
“Aw, you say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Both laugh.
End commercial.
And this is only one example. I can recall another commercial for Time Warner Cable that opens with a man and woman in a kitchen together preparing for a large dinner party. The woman is talking on the phone, and she asks the man to perform some sort of cooking task at the stove. Within seconds a pot is shooting fire into the air and the man is standing there dumbstruck without a clue what to do. The woman deftly puts out the fire, calls directory assistance, orders food to deliver, and smirks as she saves the day. No thanks to the dumb guy.
I can take a joke. That's no problem. But lately it seems like the joke has become the de facto truth. The proliferation of thought that men are stupid, inept creatures is really quite depressing. Remember Mr. Brady (from The Brady Bunch)? Danny Tanner (from Full House)? Bill Cosby? Han Solo? What happened to the idea that men are level headed, cool thinking individuals who can be depended upon to handle difficult situations when they arise? Admitedly, somewhere along the way, men have gotten a bad wrap because of our own mistakes. Men are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. There are those of us that are dead-beats. There are those of us that are cruel and selfish. And yes, there are men who are quite stupid and lazy. But despite those...less than favorable marks against us as a sex, there are still quite a few of us who are trying to measure up to the standards that our fathers and grandfathers set for us.
This fight is being fought on many fronts. Not only are we being told (by the media) that we are lazy, selfish, stupid, and worthless, but we are also being told that we cannot be trusted to pick clothing out for ourselves. What about "guyliner"? Metrosexual clothing and men's make up?Their seems to be a grand movement in this country to cut the figurative balls off of the heterosexual male ego.Even the only male holiday we've ever had has been taken away and turned into a social gathering (remember The Super Bowl?). So, to combat this obvious attack on maleness everywhere, I say we pick one day out of the year as a national day of protest. We'll sit on the couch with friends, 
watch golf and football, drink beer, scratch ourselves, curse, fart, wear flannel shirts and jeans with worn out crotches. We'll say things like "F*ckin' A", and "You gotta be sh*ttin' me!", and we'll make lude comments about women that we see on TV, and generally act the way that we are being represented on TV and the radio. If men suck so badly, we'll show them that they haven't seen anything yet.
watch golf and football, drink beer, scratch ourselves, curse, fart, wear flannel shirts and jeans with worn out crotches. We'll say things like "F*ckin' A", and "You gotta be sh*ttin' me!", and we'll make lude comments about women that we see on TV, and generally act the way that we are being represented on TV and the radio. If men suck so badly, we'll show them that they haven't seen anything yet.So, who's with me?
Hello?
Seriously.
Anybody there?
*The author of this weblog entry is not responsible for the reader's inability to detect sarcasm. The reader assumes all responsibility for comprehension. This offer ends soon. Offer not valid with other coupons. Please check local listings. Why are you still reading this? Are you that bored? Maybe you are feeling a little sleepy? Perhaps you should lay your head down on your desk for a moment. Try not to drool on the keyboard. Kirk Out.
